IMPERIO is a half-entertaining/half-educational FRPG based on the famous series of Harry Potter books written by J.K. Rowling. All rights belong to the author. We do not claim any ownership of the characters or settings contained within. The language of the RPG is English and we expect our members to speak or at least to try to speak English. We create an opportunity for those who want to learn the language to learn playing and to play learning.
The 3rd generation, the year 2022, autumn. This is NC-17 rated game with episodical system.
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Old posts

Posts 1 to 17 of 17

1

Julie Flint wrote:

the Northern Ireland


The correct form is just Northern Ireland. We don't use articles when talking about places.

Julie Flint wrote:

just got a contract


No need for the word "just". We use "just" to talk about actions that happened recently from the present moment. Since we are using past tense to tell the story of Julie's childhood, we do not have a recent even. Correct form is "got a contract".

Julie Flint wrote:

Maybe it's the matter of nurture, maybe - of nature, but the Flints are really good at sports and have a really good chance to start another Quidditch dynasty.


The correct form is "Maybe it was a matter of nurture, maybe of nature, but the Flints were really good at sports and had a really good chance to start a new Quidditch dynasty.
We always need to keep the tenses we used before. If we are using past tenses we cannon insert a present tense or a future tense.

Julie Flint wrote:

what surprised a bit her father.


"Which" surprised her father a bit. We cannot use "what" in that way because "what" is just a question word and not a pronoun.

Julie Flint wrote:

Julie never was a good student


Julie was never a good student. The verb usually stays on the second position in the phrase.

Julie Flint wrote:

Luckily to her


Luckily for her.

Julie Flint wrote:

And despite of the fact


Despite the fact. No need to use of here as it serves no purpose.

Julie Flint wrote:

on in her 3rd year


on is unnecessary. Probably just a typo from you :)

Julie Flint wrote:

so close to be expelled


Really close to be expelled. We cannot use "so" unless we also use "that". She was so close that...

Julie Flint wrote:

and if she wanted she would beat her up.


she could beat her up. We use would for wishes and could for possibilities.

Julie Flint wrote:

one's self


oneself

Julie Flint wrote:

allowed to Hogwarts


allowed at Hogwarts. We use at in this case because to is used to show direction of movement.

+2

2

Julie Flint wrote:

She surely will help a friend in trouble


She would surely help a friend in trouble. No reason to use future tense. Would for probability is enough.

Julie Flint wrote:

she respects rules of the fair-play


she respects the rules of fair-play. We need to use "the" in this case.

Julie Flint wrote:

She always was a


She was always a... again the verb comes on the second position.

0

3

Hey Julie. Sorry for butchering your text like that  :confused: those are just nitpicks actually. Small things that don't really affect the meaning or the flow of the text. I think you did a great job with your Bio :)

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4

Martin Flint
Thank you )

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5

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6

Scorpius Malfoy wrote:

He is a bit (no) introvert

He is a bit introverted or he is a bit of an introvert. You should use the adjective for of introverted or an article if you want to use it as a noun.

Scorpius Malfoy wrote:

his heard

I think you meant to write "heart"

Scorpius Malfoy wrote:

but because trembles to began speck in Parseltongue

But because he is afraid he will begin speaking in Parseltongue.

Scorpius Malfoy wrote:

Scorpius just haven't any other options.

Scorpiuos just HASN'T any other options. Singural, Scorpius is just one person.

Scorpius Malfoy wrote:

until see (experience) it by his own.

until HE sees (experience) it with his own eyes.

I really like your profile :) Your English level is quite good and the mistakes I found are pretty small so you shouldn't worry about them too much :)

+1

7

Deirdre Montague wrote:

but he continues to go to class on potions.

SHE continues... just a small typo

Deirdre Montague wrote:

the pendant is heated,

The pendant gets warm/hot ... if you use the passive voice, it means somebody else heats the pendant.

Deirdre Montague wrote:

became power player

because a powerful/important player. Unless "power player" is an actual title.

Deirdre Montague wrote:

younger part of

THE younger part. We need a definite article if we are talking about a specific part of something.

Deirdre Montague wrote:

to be married

To marry. We use infinitive in this case.

Deirdre Montague wrote:

She got attention to Study of Ancient Rune

She got interested in the Study of Ancient Runes. This phrase is what we usually use.

Deirdre Montague wrote:

but her tie she achieved later.

But she acquired them later. I'm not sure what you meant there.

Deirdre Montague wrote:

for fight with two students of Gryffindor.

for FIGHTING with two students from Gryffindor. We use continuous form here.

Deirdre Montague wrote:

for flights at night.

for FLYING at night or nightly flights. Same rule as above.

Deirdre Montague wrote:

that she dies

She could die. We express possibilities with the word "could". Also no need for "that" there.

Deirdre Montague wrote:

In a year

I think you meant "A year later"?

Deirdre Montague wrote:

that she deserves better.

She thinks she deserves better. Again, no need for the word "that".

Deirdre Montague wrote:

to her 7th year

IN her 7th year. IN is the correct preposition.

I like your profile Deirdre :) Hope we can have a lot of fun here.

+1

8

Martin Flint
Thank you!
It seems, I corrected.)

0

9

Eliot Ford wrote:

from young age has been aware of his magical ancestry

HE has been aware of his magical ancentry from a young age. The word order there is a bit weird.

Eliot Ford wrote:

in early XX century and since then Ford bloodline

In THE early XX century and since then THE Ford bloodline. We use THE when we are talking about specific things.

Eliot Ford wrote:

respectful families

RespectED families. They are respected by others and respectful towards other families.

Eliot Ford wrote:

gathered the feeling

GAINED A feeling of... We gather coins, flowers, stamps (countable physical objects)

Eliot Ford wrote:

always had been

Has always been. This is the correct order.

Eliot Ford wrote:

family have returned

Family returned. We use past simple for facts in the past.

Eliot Ford wrote:

paranoiac,

paranoid

Eliot Ford wrote:

he quite never understood why

He never quite understood why. This is the correct order because the modifier always stay in front of whatever it modifies. In this case the verb.

Eliot Ford wrote:

weren't there to impress them

WASN'T there... he is only one boy so we use singular.

Eliot Ford wrote:

bring them money.

TO bring them money. We use infinitive when we have two verbs in a row.

Eliot Ford wrote:

whole family for her at ones

the whole family at the same time for her.

Eliot Ford wrote:

use strength.

use force. Strength is just physical, you use it to lift things and punch people :)

Eliot Ford wrote:

on the random

AT random or randomly.

Eliot Ford wrote:

protection of his sister

THE protection of his sister.

You profile looks quite nice and I think it will be a great idea to have an Auror at the school during the events :)

0

10

Hey. I really like your character, it will be interesting to watch you in the game.
I have only one question.

Eliot Ford wrote:

He switched from Ilvermorny School of Witchcraft and Wizardry to Hogwarts.

I don't think it's possible due to the rules of Hogwarts

It takes students from the United Kingdom of Great Britain and Northern Ireland, and Ireland.

0

11

Oh yeah, that's what you get after writing your bio in the middle of the night. Thanks for the tips.

Martin Flint wrote:

GAINED A feeling of... We gather coins, flowers, stamps (countable physical objects)

Gained still feels wrong in this context. He rather learned by the examples of isolated instances that this privilege existed, so that's what I'm going to use.

Martin Flint wrote:

the whole family at the same time for her.

It was supposed to be all at once. I don't like the sound of either variation though, so just gonna cut it out.

Martin Flint wrote:

use force. Strength is just physical, you use it to lift things and punch people :)

I would argue that punching people is quite in the character's profile, but yeah, you're right. Just couldn't remember the word. (:

Julie Flint wrote:

I don't think it's possible due to the rules of Hogwarts

This doesn't sound good at all. Can I bribe someone to get into Hogwarts lol
And if I had a refugee status, would it make a difference? It would be odd if a family with an underage member had fled to UK (and somehow got a visa and stuff) and had no way to legally provide an education for the child.
But I would totally bribe someone to be honest. (:

Last edited by Eliot Ford (Oct 17 2017 20:48:34)

0

12

Eliot Ford wrote:

This doesn't sound good at all. Can I bribe someone to get into Hogwarts lol
And if I had a refugee status, would it make a difference? It would be odd if a family with an underage member had fled to UK (and somehow got a visa and stuff) and had no way to legally provide an education for the child.
But I would totally bribe someone to be honest. (:

Okay, we can just skip this if it's important. But I'm not happy with that, because it's one of the basic rules of HP universe.

0

13

Julie Flint
Thanks. Otherwise I would need to create a whole new timeline.

0

14

Rupert Nightingale wrote:

She always was interested

She was always interested. The verb "to be" goes on the second place.

Rupert Nightingale wrote:

related with this field.

Related TO this field. TO is the correct preposition.

Rupert Nightingale wrote:

The family always was neutral

The family was always neutral. Same rule with the verb.

Rupert Nightingale wrote:

everything what were in

Everything THAT WAS in the school library. We use THAT in this situation and also WAS because THAT is singular.

Rupert Nightingale wrote:

His comrades mostly were from Hufflepuff,

His comrades were mostly from Hufflepuff. Same verb rule.

Rupert Nightingale wrote:

interested to study

Interested in studying... We always use -ing form with the phrase "interested in".

Rupert Nightingale wrote:

were traveled a lot

Where he traveled a lot... We need the pronoun "where" when we talk about places and also "he".

Rupert Nightingale wrote:

There he saw many interesting stuff.

There he saw many interesting THINGS or A LOT of interesting stuff. "stuff" is singular and uncountable so we cannot use "many".

Rupert Nightingale wrote:

a role of Dark Arts

THE role of Dark Arts. We need definite article with school subjects.

Rupert Nightingale wrote:

peacefully

Peaceful. Peacefully is and adverb used to describe a verb not a human trait.

Rupert Nightingale wrote:

he demanding

He demands. We use Present Simple for facts.

Rupert Nightingale wrote:

Often relieves points.

Takes points. To relieve means to set free. It doesn't work in this case.

Rupert Nightingale wrote:

what could be smoked

THAT can be smoked. Same rule as before.

Rupert Nightingale wrote:

weirdly

weird. Again "weirdly" is an adverb used for verbs not nouns.

Rupert Nightingale wrote:

like is drunk

AS IF HE is drunk. "as if" is the best option here and we also need the HE pronoun.

Rupert Nightingale wrote:

lot of suffer

lot of suffering/misery.

Rupert Nightingale wrote:

You only don't need to know

You don't need to know... "only" doesn't have any role here.

Rupert Nightingale wrote:

only dangerous experiments

Dangerous Experiments. Again "only" has no reason to be there.

Rupert Nightingale wrote:

you're not

You don't (know him)

Your character sounds really fun :) sorry it took me so long to correct it.
Also, you have 16 facts because you wrote two number 5s.

+1

15

Christen Thomas wrote:

to be true Gryffindor

to be A true Gryffindor. We have to use A/AN when talking about what somebody wants to be.

Christen Thomas wrote:

means being good person

means being A good person. Same rule as before.

Christen Thomas wrote:

over hundred toy

over A hundred toy... with numerals we also need an article.

Christen Thomas wrote:

calls accordingly

calls HER accordingly. We need pronoun to know whom are we talking about.

Christen Thomas wrote:

reads some muggle books than has nothing else to do

reads some muggle books WHEN SHE has nothing else. When is the correct preposition and again we need pronoun.

Christen Thomas wrote:

Then she

WHEN she... probably just a typo.

Hey Christen :) I like your profile. I didn't really have much to correct and the things that I found are pretty small. Your English level is quite good. Also try not to check your level based on understanding Shakespeare. Shakespeare is very difficult even for native speakers.

0

16

Code:
[url=http://englishrpg.rusff.ru/profile.php?id=24]Christen Thomas[/url], 6 - Cierra Ramirez

(Also beater in Gryffindor quidditch team)

0

17

Code:
[url=http://englishrpg.rusff.ru/profile.php?id=25]Madison Wood[/url], 7th - Alexandra Daddario


Imperio wrote:

Gryffindor

Seeker (1)


Code:
[url=http://englishrpg.rusff.ru/profile.php?id=25]Madison Wood[/url]

Last edited by Madison Wood (Oct 27 2017 20:34:02)

0


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